ISSUES #22: MAY 2016
The Black Family
A GIVEN
MAKE
College
Vernon R. Heard
I love, love, love seeing pics of Black kids in caps and gowns.
I know I probably write more about child rearing than anything else. You’d think I think I’m an expert. Nowhere near but I do love kids, though. I also believe that they should be in a better place when we leave ‘em than when they got here. I mean education-wise, socially, mentally and even spiritually. My current soapbox is the low expectations we sometimes imply to our kids and how we should push them to aim for the moon. Not everyone, but some.
I really embraced one notion even more when I interviewed Los Angeles music icon, Fernando Pullum, last April. He said something I thought was very insightful…
“I find we have to stop asking kids IF they’re going to college and start asking them what college they’re going to. Asking “are you going?” makes college optional. In Beverly Hills the question is “what college are you going to?” so we need to change the conversation in our community. Raise the expectation.”
March 2015
I wholeheartedly agree. Kids should be raised in an environment where it’s understood that graduating high school is just a great springboard for college. That they are SUPPOSED to go. Do away with the attitude of “just get ‘em through high school and I’m done.” Even if you have no idea where money for college would even come from, a small child just needs to know that it’s part of the life plan. As they grow up that’s all they’ll ever know. There are ways to work out funding for college as long as you don’t wait until the last minute to address that elephant. You can save $23 a week from the time your kid is born and hand them $20,000 on their 18th birthday. $23 a week is less than that Starbucks trip Monday through Friday. Hell, if you subscribe to the American Standard of beauty, the $20,000 mark was probably 10 weaves ago. (You see how I rocked that American Standard toilet brand in there?? BARS!!!) It’s clearly not enough for four years of college but it may address the first couple of years of junior college. It’s a decent start. And seriously, that money is way better than a Red Lobster dinner and a handshake on graduation night. Every kid won’t get to go to Yale but Gregory Yale Community College is still college. Gotta start somewhere. They deserve it. Our community deserves it.
The recurring them is that the bar is set higher right out the box. Kids deserve a parent that will push them to achieve. It makes them WANT to push harder to prove to you and themselves that they can reach and even surpass the bar that’s been set for them. Kids adapt to their surroundings in other scenarios so conditioning them to expect the best of themselves in education is no different. Teach them about drive. Teach them about focus. Kids have to be raised on those themes. Let them experience shock in finding that their peers aren’t planning for college. Their bad, not your kids’. It sounds easier said than done but you have to be willing to at least plant the seed. And cultivate it.
Doesn’t matter what your own station in life is. Rich or poor. I’m talking about a state of mind, here. A state of mind is free of charge. Plus, at 2, 3, 4 or 5 years old, they won’t even be aware of financial stuff anyway. All they would know is what you tell them, what you show them. They are 100% following your lead at that age. A terrible example is how racism id instilled. Kids learn that from an early age and because it’s repeated in their presence over time. Just think if that message was about loving everyone instead. What kind of adults do you think they’d make with that mindset? They wouldn’t know any other way to think except that. College is the same.
Another thing that’s key and should be handled delicately is helping them understand the career options out there after college. This, in my opinion, informs them of what college majors lead them in the direction they want to go. Of course, as they get closer to college age that focus may change but it helps to put that mental down payment out there. It also teaches them to seek work that they can enjoy. Especially since they’ll be working in their field for the next 40 years. We don’t push career choices on him but it’s important he find something that he enjoys and we help him tweak his educational path to point him toward his preference.
My kid says he wants to work in video game design. Now, for the record, that’s just his failed attempt to continue his “research” on his X-Box and Playstation after his school work and chores are done. That said, I hold him to his claim and have him Google the best college programs that focus on art, graphics and game design. I have him look at tech sites where people in the video game industry discuss their work and schooling. This helps him to either get a better feel for that career or to think about his next answer when he comes out with what his updated aspiration is. Can you imagine having to read blogs about toe fungus
if you didn’t really want to be a podiatrist?? Then write a report on what you learned? Hahahaha… that’ll learn him!!
I’m sure you get the picture. The culture in the home is that college is just understood. On our recent family road trip, my wife and I stopped our son off at Louisiana State University so we could walk the campus and see what a university looks like. He’s got the bug now. Don’t know who’s gonna pay for it yet but he’s already thinking beyond 12th grade and, at 13 years old, that’s all I can hope for.
Education is priceless. Not PRICELESS priceless. It sure won’t be priced less by the time he’s ready for college so we’re already exploring financial options for him. In a gigantic cliché move, he’s a top football player at his school and runs the fastest 100-yard dash in 8th grade trials. We’re not banking on it but between his academic potential and athletics performance, there may be a grant or scholarship in his future. But what if, God forbid, he gets injured or gets lost in the athletic mix the last few years of high school?? Can’t count on those options fully if at all, and we don’t. We’re looking into grants and scholarship possibilities from an academic standpoint. With that, the grades through junior high and high school are crucial to opening the doors to academic scholarships. You can’t put a price on the pride and self-worth you get from graduating college. But LSU sure can.
I ran an article in Positive Black Images a few months ago with links to information about a number of minority grants and scholarships. Check it out here: SCHOLARSHIPS The list provides a number of leads for college funding.
You don’t have to be rich but one day your kid could be.
All this talk revolves around another premise. The idea that our kids have to be RAISED. Keeping ‘em from sticking their fingers in a wall socket or getting hit by a car simply isn’t enough. We have to stay involved in their lives and mold them. Sometimes by lecture, sometimes by example and sometimes by a good ol’ ass whooping. As we nurture them they have to know that great things are expected of them. Kids are bright, they will understand and they will embrace the concept simply because of where it comes from.
Tell them greatness is not optional.
Love to all,
V. Ray
#positiveblack
